Lack of Communication is the Top Divorce Reason

Wednesday, October 1st, 2008 Calvin Sorren

As researched by the American Counseling Association, the most common theme in all failed marriages is breakdown in communication. As Americans, we love to communicate, despite that fact, our communication is failing with the most significant person in our life. As a result, our country’s divorce rate is holdings to 50%. This rate increases if you are in your second or third marriage.

The start of the lack of communication between spouses is usually not talking about the small things, letting the frustration and anger build up, resulting in larger issues. Smaller issues are much easier to work out than larger ones.

The key to a healthy strong relationship is using communication to work out your issues and resolve problems. The following are keys to building strong communication skills with your spouse:

1. Truly listen to each other, while staying quiet and focused on what they are saying.

2. Listen to the actual words and underlying feelings and emotions.

3. Try to understand the other side of the argument. Try to have an understanding from another perspective, this doesnt mean you have to agree.

4. Let the other person know you are listening by rephrasing what they have told you and to ensure clear understanding.

5. Show the other person that you are listening to their words as well as underlying feelings. The result is the validation of the other persons emotions.

6. Be aware of nonverbal messages you may send, such as tone of voice and facial expressions.

7. Use I statements to tell your partner what they are doing wrong and how you feel.

8. Make the person aware ahead of time that you would like to have a discussion. this will make it seem less like an attack and let them gather their own thoughts as well.

9. Set aside the time to talk, when you will be free from distractions of life or interruptions, such as kids.

10. Try to stay on topics, by keeping your discussion on the topic at hand.

Utilizing these tips will help you and your spouse to communicate more effectively, and just may save your marriage. Avoid rehashing the past, keep your discussions in the present moment. This will allow you to focus on solutions that you can work toward together.

As thousands have discovered, the Light Your Fire Program is an effective tool in avoiding marital counseling. As seen on Oprah, as well as The View.

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